So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
