i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
