Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
