I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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