there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
