he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
