never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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