Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
