You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
