and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
false alarm, still single
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
