When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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