i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
