Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
