apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
