He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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