I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
