There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
