People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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