i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
