it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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