BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
as a side note pls kill me
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