I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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