I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
