I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
