Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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