omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
