Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
