So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
