she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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