i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
