My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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