BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
