if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
