His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
