im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
