i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
