I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
