I hate your face
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
