i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
