He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
