my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
