Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
