new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
im six kinds of drunk right now
do herpes really smell.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
