Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
