You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
