So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
