I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
