But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
