with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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