Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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