We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
