in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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