I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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