my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
