barbara walters just said penis...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
