i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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