I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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