Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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