Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
