Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
