Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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