thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
