I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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