i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
