In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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