Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize
