My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
