I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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