Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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