dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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