I cannot find my penis.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
