The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
