Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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