two words: eviction party
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
