I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
