I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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