I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
