put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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