come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
