Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
