Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
