Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
