you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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