There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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