My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
