my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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