he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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