i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize