butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
