I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
