mondays should just be called national damage control day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize