Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
