$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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