Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
