Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
