one might say we're banned from that church
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize