I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
