I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
