sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
