So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
