I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
