If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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