People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
