i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
