Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
