I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
