Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
