I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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