What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
